How To end Your Nightmares

Once a palace of heavenly rest and a fountain of renewal and refreshment, my bed has transformed into the Gate of Hell, a portal to a dimension of fear and terror. Nightmares stalk my sleeping mind every single night. Dreaming is psychological self-torture: I plummet helplessly from great heights; ferocious predators maul my feeble body; murderous maniacs pursue me through unfamiliar streets; and people I love and trust hurt me in unthinkable ways. The details may change, but the horrifying nature of my dreams does not. I don’t know how long I can continue living with these nightly visits from the dark side. What hurts me most is knowing that my own dark and deranged psyche is producing these hellacious visions. Please help me free myself from the abysmal dungeon of my own miserable mind.

Night Mary

Dear Night Mary,

One way to address your problem is to discover the root cause of your bad dreams through psychotherapy. Beyond simple reflection, this involves undertaking a perilous journey of true self-discovery, diving deep into your mind to bring to light some repressed memory, some long-forgotten trauma that bubbles to the surface while you sleep and manifests itself as nightmares. Psychotherapy could not only rid you of nightmares, but also make you an all-around happier person.

But let me tell you why this is a stupid idea. Psychotherapy is difficult and often disturbing work that could last years and cost thousands of dollars. And there’s no guarantee that it will work! After investing all that time, effort, and money, you could still be having nightmares every night. Stupid!

If you’re like most people, you’d rather opt for a quick, cheap, and easy solution. So let’s apply our common sense to your problem. When you sleep, you have nightmares. If you take away the sleep, the nightmares will disappear. The solution is simple: stop sleeping!

How do you stop sleeping? If you have almost any inquiries regarding where in addition to tips on how to work with Spotify, you can email us at our site. Easy! Begin exclusively drinking caffeine-laden beverages: coffee, tea, and those fashionable energy drinks. If that’s not enough to keep you awake, explore some higher-potency substances, such as illegal narcotics. (Uppers only!) If you maintain a strict chemical regimen, you can fend off sleep indefinitely.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Don’t I need sleep? Doesn’t it refresh my mind, body, and soul, and keep me healthy?” No, you fool! Those mistaken ideas are just propaganda disseminated by the Mattress, Pillow, and Pajama Industry to coerce us into buying their products. We don’t really need sleep. Sleep is for the weak. I haven’t slept for weeks. And I’m perfectly fine. Here’s a self-portrait I just drew to prove it.

See! Refusing to sleep has absolutely no ill effects whatsoever! All hail the dark lord!

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